Jamaal's Top 5: Songs All White People Know.

First off, I'd like to pre-apologize(blame it on my mind, and not on my heart) for anyone's feelings that may get hurt(for whatever reason). After living in a predominately white neighborhood for all of my public school years, playing football at a majority white university, and growing up in a beach town, I'd like to think that I qualify as a legitimate analyst and composer of this list. Why? All of the aforementioned locations are where these songs are/were played the most(especially in beach bars). This is not a list to prejudge anyone, yet it's merely a testament to the fact that most white folks love songs that are overly dramatic, and give them the feeling that they are one of the characters in Top Gun(I already pre-apologized, relax!). I'm not going to provide a track list because I find it to be more hilarious knowing you will say,"Oh shit! He's right!"

MYSTERY SONG #1: (HINT: IRELAND)
As I stated in the intro, I AM A QUALIFIED ANALYST AND COMPOSER OF THIS LIST! For me to choose this song is only part of the reason for my qualifications. The other half is validated due to the fact I spent 4 days in Ireland on vacation. Not only did I (along with my beautiful and ever so lovely girlfriend) spend a vacation on the Emerald isle, it was spent during St.Patrick's Day(Also known as drunk as f$ck white people day). Now, I don't want you to think our stay wasn't pleasant, I'm trying to convey the fact that white people love this song and will loose tract of time and coordination of all limbs. Proof: My girlfriend and I walk into this bar in Dublin(on St. Patty's Day also my lady's birthday). We both get pints of Guinness and proceed to chill and enjoy the festivities. Low and behold, this song comes on, and wham!!!! The entire bar erupts!!! Everyone is singing in unison, beer is being wasted everywhere, I get hugged by a random Irishman, and my lady gets mistaken for Lauryn Hill(Random, I know, given the location and song title). Clearly, all these actions were a direct correlation to this song.



MYSTERY SONG #2: (Hint: Cut-off sleeved fish-net t-shirts)
If there were ever an official "beach anthem", this joint would be it. As a youngster, I have vivid images(and auditory) of walking by random beach bars on the isle of Palms and/or Myrtle Beach. Now, I don't know the reason why beach towns are in love with this song(especially in Atlantic City,NJ), but it manages to rear its mullet-styled head. I have to admit though, I'll ride to this song all day. It's definitely a classic and it happens to be one of my lady's favorite. This song, along with the first one, has that dramatic chorus that was stated previously. Why? Hell, I don't know. But like I mentioned earlier, I think all white people want to be either Ice Man or Maverick.



MYSTERY SONG #3: (NO HINT: Sir Mix-a-lot)
No comment.




MYSTERY SONG #3 & #4 (HINT: jeans that are tighter than painted walls)
Last, and certainly as hell, not least. The next two(that's right two) songs are a packaged deal. These two(by the same artist) songs scream Cruise and Kilmer from the heights of a Haliburton Helicopter. These tunes have all the natural ingrediants of an All-American movie soundtrack(i.e. "White people song") such as: a screaming chorus, a reference to a fire arm, heavy guitar riffs, and singing the word, "Ooohhhhhh". Name your favorite All-Aerican movie (i.e. Young Guns, Days of Thunder,Rambo pt 1-12, Die Hard, or watching the Phillies play the Orioles) and these two jams will fit accordingly during the climax. In summation, you can't get anymore "whiter" than these.



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Stay tuned for the top 5 songs all black people know. This will get interesting.