Jamaal's Top 5: Black Momma Names over the age of 50.

 

 What?!!!! don't show out...don't make me tear off in yo' ass!!!

 This was a phrase I often heard as a young middle schooler and even as a high school senior. My mother was/is one of the craziest people I know, whom I feared, yet loved dearly growing up and of course, still do to this day. Now, as I enter my mid-30s, I often think back to all the funny things my mom use to do/say...such as: putting my name on the light bill...when I was only 7 yrs old; saving fish/chicken grease for days, NEVER leaving dirty knives in the sink because "If somebody breaks in the house, they won't have to look far for somethin' to stab yo' ass with." ; nor, my favorite, "When you go over there(usually referring to a family not of African American descent), don't you eat shit! Just tell them, you ain't hungry."

These are just a few of the hilarious rules and/or everyday "principles" I often heard as  youngin'. However, none of those topped her friends. For some odd reason, my mom's friends' names seemed to fit their personality. Though all her "girls" didn't know each other, some did share the same name, and they both had similar characteristics. Not only that, it must be a universal thing because the same similarities are evident with everyone else's mother I know. Thus, prompting me to list the Top 5 commonly used names for ALL Black women over the age of 50.

Enjoy!

"Beverly" - She is known to have her way with men. She's always in a flirtatious mood. She was once married, but her husband was on Disability after "he got out the service" and simply couldn't "keep up" with her. 

Drink of choice: Alize in an overly decorated wine glass.

"Phyllis" - Phyllis is Fine!!!!! She is still married. Her kids are successful. However, Phyllis doesn't like to go out, or do anything that's exciting. She's more than likely employed as a high school principal, thus her motive for not straying too far into "ingnance". She and "Bev" don't get along.
Drink of choice: Any Mascato or any Argentine dessert wine(because she and her husband went there once, she feels the need to qualify herself as the Ambassador of "good wine" for her friends...Beverly can't stand Phyllis)

"Ruthie" - Ruthie is the All-around girlfriend. She still works. She's still married. All her children are college graduates. She also knows how to party. Everyone loves "Ruthie" and she, in return, loves everyone back. She travels a lot...however, the word "travel" is a relative term in Ruthie's case because she only goes to the Bahamas.
Drink of Choice: No one knows. She manages to mysteriously get drunk(only on cruises).

"Brenda" - Brenda still smokes(see picture above). She usually has some life altering unfortunate disease(breast cancer, lupus, or diabetes). She is married, but her husband "stays in the room". Brenda is very successful, but one could not tell given her hoarding lifestyle.
Drink of choice: Budweiser

drum roll...


"Deborah" EVERYONE of African American descent knows at least 7 women named "Deborah". She is an ex-drug user. Works for "the City". Smokes cigarettes. Gets everything at a discounted price(usually at Haverty's). She has three sons, in which two of them have been incarcerated multiple times. The third son is homosexual and he lives in Fayetteville(NC). "Deb" cooks every Sunday and 4th of July. Despite her extensive drug use(since 11th grade with her children's father...usually named "Lester" or "Walt") she has no health issues.
Drink of choice: N/A